Letting go -- But what makes us not want to ‘let go'?
We may find we've tried everything to ‘let go' of certain relationships, behavioural patterns, thought patterns, emotions, expressions etc.. and it could seem as if we're left with things staying the same. During this time we can feel frustrated, anxious and even resentful towards ourselves and others. As these emotions increase we may try harder to resolve the issue only to find we have made it worse.
There is so much written on the concept of ‘letting go' but there is little about the understanding of what makes us not want to let go. For example, this could involve trying to securely hold tight feelings of:
Power: "I can't give in- I've got to stay strong and prove how powerful I am" or "my reputation will be ruined if I let go – I have to maintain this image to the world"
Fear: "I have to protect myself – who knows what could happen if I let go – I won't be in control" or "I just can't let go - I will be too fragile and exposed to the unknown"
Pride: While clinging to our child responses we may express, "I am right and that's final"
These are just a few of the responses that may come up when resisting ‘letting go'.
If we unpack the layers even more the idea of ‘letting go' surrounds ‘vulnerably' for most of us. This is a hard space to move into when so much seems at stake. However what stops us from ‘letting go' is where familiarly and comfortably seem to dominant and fuel our resistance to change.We are creatures of habit and have an innate hunger for familiarity and comfortably. There is a place to embrace these and sit back with a sense of relief. However without questioning and challenging them, life can become stagnant and difficult as we let our opportunities to grow slip away.
That is exactly why letting go is so valuable as our existence would otherwise remain in a tight box, filled with all our ‘comfortable' projected false imaginations.
Letting go requires a lot of faith in ourselves that we can cope with facing the unknown or ‘whatever the outcome will be' if we do go through with it. How we accumulate this inner strength is a ‘work in progress'. It also involves a balance of letting ourselves be stripped to the core to face the death of our old relationships, behavioural patterns, thought patterns, emotions and expressions.
Letting go - why it's difficult to end a relationship